metamorphosis ..

I’ve been dragging my heels when it comes to lot of things lately. Blogging included. Reason being that, I am gearing up for a substantial change in lifestyle and environment, and it’s gotten me all anxious..

I’ve had a very easy life as far as basic material needs go, and while truly grateful for that, I also realize that I can’t honestly put myself in a young adult’s life who’s handed down responsibilities of life the moment he or she is done with basic education. Knowing few such people, it amazes and inspires me at the same time, and makes me wonder, what I’d do if it actually came to that. Would we all rise up to the challenge when the calling comes? Natural basic survival cue or does it take a certain strength of character which not all of us might possess?
Rhetorical, maybe.

I haven’t had many grave responsibilities to lever through for the past odd years of adulthood, and I wonder whether it’s enough to prepare me for what is it come in the next few months. Minus a vague idea, I honestly don’t know where I am going, and though the saying goes that it’s not the destination but the path that matters, I feel it inadequate not to have a specific detailed goal. There are many things in life I want to do, and it bothers me that I am not satisfied with learning one thing. I have dabbled at several things academic wise and I like them all, and want to learn them all, plus more. Wiser ones tell me that it’s better to be/know one thing in whole rather than a lot of things. Yet I am intrigued by many, and if I had the resources I would go out and get ‘em all. For now I am sticking by a safer path, dare I say maybe a cowardly one, one that will assure a steady fulfilling income. A path I think I can excel in, but not my foremost choice if I had a one. Maybe I do, and I am too cowardly. This is why I admire those creative ones, the simple artists of all kinds, who dare to go on a creative sensitive limb yet not much worry about materialistic side of things. I wish I was one, but being honest to myself I am not, I cannot survive without certain assurances. Those tiny little ideal dreams a lot of us have, snuck away in a corner ? Well I wish could be a carefree spirit,living in a beach house in a quaint little town, without much care in the world of how my next bread and butter will come by. Free to express. With a twist of a brush and a dab of exotic colour. A very simple comfortable life sans a lot of clutter. Ha! Anyone who knows me personally will know this is hardly how anyone would see me in one glance.

On another side, I’ve given a lot of space to myself on my personal life. The one that matters the most to me, and I think will drive my life one day. Right now I appear to be all careerheaded, but truth be told, deep inside I am far from it. I crave love, as any human might, and though I don’t see that as a weakness, there are some characteristics in me that I myself am scared of letting loose. Growing up has taught its hard lessons in many forms. One too many where I have wounded myself and others by getting too close to people, of not having the strength to call it quits when I see warning signs. And when I did decide to quit, I found out I am not so alone as I thought I'd be, and there’s always be someone to get you through such times. For the past one and half years, the ppl i've grown fond of, they may have not known me since childhood, not know everything I did in highschool or know what my fathers first name is, but sometimes by just being around, a sincere hug or a nudging with a simple ‘you okay ya’ and keeping you distracted, have provided me with much more than I could have asked for. For my part I haven’t been easy now and then, and very cryptic most of the time. But sometimes it’s easier that way. For everyone. And I think I will give myself more time, and for now my not-so-perfect bunch of hippies/weirdos/metalheads will do :)

I know now this is all one long ramble, feel free to stop anytime now.

Thinking of what kind of person you wish to be down the line in 10 years, whether people would remember you for your heart and strength of character, or the silly petty things and mistakes the might come your way. Whether you will actually have a heart and character at all, after your life has been put through the corporate-grinding-mill.. Wondering whether the veil is strong enough to protect what’s inside..Bracing yourself for the challenges of a commercial world, an ugly one at that, with plenty of twofaced characters to go around. Yet with its own dose of amusement and drama, I hear.

It’s sometimes sad that you can’t see the world in those same bright colours and borders anymore. The shades of grey (as cliché as it sounds) can be frustrating yet give you hope at the same time. I know I have grownup from the idealistic heart-on-a-sleeve girl I was, but I wonder whether it’s enough. And in the end whether I’ll be happy with the outcomes..

So such and such, my long hiatus of cocooning myself is over whether I like it or not, and soon I’d be super busy, where I have plunged myself into a demanding schedule, especially given that I’ve been lazying around blissfully ignorant for the past 6 months.

One stage over another metamorphosis to an unknown started...

One pair of nice feet please

“Nice clean feet too?? That’s it! take my word for it. If there ever is a thing as a soul mate, HE is yours woman! ”

That was the reaction by my comrade A, to a certain random yet very fitting, feet revelation about a guy. Realised how much I have obsessed over checking the random nice looking guy’s feet before all else. Anyone noticed a pleasant pair lately? My guess would be a no, since it’s very hard to come by SL men with presentable feet.
I really can’t recall when my foot fetish (if I may call it one) started.. Only memory is of overhearing some conversation when I was small about how men who actually bother to take care of their feet, at least keep it clean and trimmed, would make very good partners.
The logic was, ones feet are at a setting of getting easily dirty yet it is also located furthest from the face and rest of the upper body which we generally use to project our personality. Most people give little or no attention to their feet because of this very fact. Others can’t really see them, so why bother? That’s the attitude I’ve seeing from a lot of ‘em out there. Anyhow, yea, so the theory goes that a man who would actually spend time maintaining and taking care of a healthy pair of feet, will do so to his close friends and family as well, however the dirty the scene might get. No pedicures needed really, just everyday soap and water and a bit of trimming would do.

Anyhow, this has become somewhat of a fantasy theory now, where the feet checkup naturally happens regardless of the gender attached to it. Despite the theory, I still have a thing for nice feet and hands.

Subha aluth avurudhak veva

I remember in a bygone era, sleepily waking up on a April 14th morning in my grandparents house in Galle, to the aromas of vaious delicacies wafting from the typical gamey kitchen. About 15 of us cousins,all over mattresses on the hall, still groggy after late night games, waking up one by one to this aunt or that uncle coming and nudging us to get ready soon. It was crowded, but all of us managed to find a comfortable place to sleep in my grandparents’ house, which was modestly large, given that it saw through nine siblings. It was THE DAY of the year for all of us, where we got to see all the cousins, aunts and uncles in one house together. Imagine around 9 pairs of uncles and aunts and their kids, it totaled upto 30-40 people or more. Thus ensued a milky tea and a hurried breakfast of rice and ambulthiyal and lunumiris and kirihodi soaked in that smokey flavour from the dara-lipa.

For us it was then either rounds in the paddyfields, playing cricket, fighting around, playing cards, daam, exploring, and anything and everything we could think of. Time seemed eternal and we were free as we could ever be. Everyone knew the house and people around, we were safe to roam around the village and the paddy fields at the edge of the sprawling garden. Being the only girl grandchild for 7 years, and a tomboy at that, I remember playing and fighting with the boys. I was competitive as them when it came to cricket and demanded all fairness even when they lobbed the ball softly when I was batting or missed a catch on purpose. I remember the small fights, the small kids wanting to play with us and us shooing/bribing/tricking them off.

Then comes the much awaited nakath time to eat.. All of us fresh and hungry after a wash, sometimes from the well, sometimes from the tap outside, we'll all line up in fresh clothes, and my grand pa would feed everyone the first bite, from the eldest, my grandma and parents, to the youngest 3 month old infant. It was a long line of eager mouths. And one huge table of sweets and curries. :)

After a huge lunch and a bit of frolicking around we’d start worshipping all the elders. Every single person in the house got involved and for us kids we found excitement in the simple fact of worshipping all the 20 something odd adults. And due to the large number of people, the ganudenu was combined in, and all of us would tightly clutch the money we got, and count it all together later. And keep it hidden somewhere in our pockets. I remember getting the most from my grandfather and father and this one particular uncle. 100rps and 500rps were colossal amounts to us 10 year olds. In between all these crackers were set off, and I remember being jealous of some of my cousins coz my parents wouldn’t let me near a cracker yet along light one.

On some years, when the younger batch of little kids started growing up, us older ones even held avurudu games for them, and believe me there were enough kids to go around for plenty of brawls and blows and snot. Right now all of us cousins from my maternal side count up to 25, with the oldest being 31 and youngest being 4 years old. :)

I am wistful for that feeling. Sitting on a banister on the porch in my seeyas house sipping tea, watching the uncles and ayyas play cricket, watching the little ones play secret games of their own, listening to the female banter mixed with laughter and busyness coming from the kitchen, maybe a cricket match on the tv, some uncles reading the papers on the verandah, visitors coming and going commenting on how old we’re getting. I am grateful for these memories. Especially now, when my grandparents are very old and frail and live with us in Colombo, while the old mahagedara in Galle crumble down alone. Everyone’s too scattered around to make it to one house, and even if they do, it’s still not the same. It has to be Galle, it has to be that pale yellow home with its own little jungle, wells and paddyfields. And nothing like a one big huge family with random brawls, fairly shared by both kids and adults, yet plenty of smiles and good spirits to go around in the end.

I am glad my parents made the time within their busy schedules. And sometimes feel sorry for the modern child of nintendos, mobile phones and computer games.

Never did I think then, that these experiences as a child would be appreciated and cherished so dearly as an adult. Will always be treasured...

Subha aluth avurudhak veva everyone..

come and go

You know when you have a very mundane conversation and there's another one happening within those lines without either of the parties willingly admitting to it? The conversation we had just now, felt exactly like that. and yes I am gonna keep it cool. You asked me about it, and then referred to the job. So yes, it's about the job chaos. :)
It's better this way. You tell me you want to go home.. and the next one might just take you there. So let this ferry come and go.

I forgot to credit the pic - by Islandtime

The real crisis? We stopped being wise

Randomly stumbled across TED recently and have been going through all the videos for awhile now. Pretty interesting speeches on almost anything you can imagine, from CERN's supercollider to creativity, to magic to AIDS to Wii.



Kristen Ashburn's heart rending pictures_of_AIDS

NatGeo, Photography Connects

How ordinary people become monsters ... or heroes

Designer Yves Behar digs up his creative roots -"..advertising is the price companies pay for being un-original"

Another interesting one about Twitter and creativity of its users by Twitter's co-founder

Fly away in to the white darkness..

"You should never be too impressed by people with good manners. They are the ones who will give a friendly wave even when they've stolen from you. They are the type to sweetly welcome you, even as they try to uncover your secrets. And don't be too offended by someone who is openly rude, because they may be that way for the nicest of reasons."


"It’s a shocking moment for each of us. That moment we realize we are all alone in this world. The family we take for granted could one day abandon us. The husband we trust so implicitly might betray us. The daughter we love so deeply perhaps won’t return to us. And then we could end up all by ourselves. Of course, some see great value in going it alone."


"When the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden, because they know if revealed, the damage it will do. So they conceal it within sturdy walls or they place it behind closed doors or they obscure it with clever disguises but truth, no matter how ugly, always emerges. And someone we care about always ends up getting hurt. And someone else will revel in their pain and that's the ugliest truth of all."


"Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame, flickering back to life. Or a new friend who could end up being so much more. Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had. And so we give in to temptation, all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences."


"The world is filled with unlikely friendships. Odd pairings that to the casual observer make absolutely no sense at all. But if you look closer, we can see why these alliances form. After all, a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground."


"In some ways we grow up; we have families... we get married, divorced... but for the most part we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling... forever wondering, forever... young."


" There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?"

There you go.. some transcendental advice from the Omniscient One, Blue S!* ...
Doodling around with the super hero creator ended up with me looking like the exotic creature on the left, tho I admit it got slightly Britney. All the available hairdos were too uncool. so no can help lor!

I've always wanted to fly away.






*actually the quotes are from desperate housewives of Wysteria Lane.

Eloquent Sach

Bless her soul. For actively being a daily source of entertainment. ;)