Trust

I realise I've trusted you with no questions asked.
I realise how stupid it could have been if the answers were not what was expected. How I never even doubted at any second.. it never occurred to me to ask these questions.
How naive am I. 
I guard myself, you and us with all ferocious thoughtfulness, but get blind-sided by you.
Why do I let myself down this way, and realise it too late.

This time around, my only hope is it's not too late.
And that my trust , this naive naive trust I've placed around you, me, us.
That is not ill founded.
That you will always know, the unconditional depth of it
   and the naive shallowness of it.


That lost girl, trying to understand the grown ups world filled with temporary pleasures by jaded beings but devoid of genuine emotion and feeling.
  

An expressionless face covering shaming agony.
Sharp pangs of pain trying to escape your ribcage.
Silent coughs, trying hard to breathe. to escape.
Choked to breathlessness by yourself, your own mind, but never to death.

A caring voice in your head, "it's alright.. everythings going to be alright, lets be strong, it's only a nightmare".

Breathe.
Knowgin it will come back again.
Again, another day.. You can never prepare yourself..

 
 
I've locked it up and hidden it so deep that I myself can't recall the terror of it. Only the nightmares rekindle the vulnerability.  Always a faint shudder, at newspaper reports. statistics. what my life could have been.
I've moved passed it, I know..  just wish the choking nightmares would stop.

How gentle of a love would heal this..

the sorrow behind your smile
the love behind your anger
the reason behind your silence

Through the walls

Pick yourself up
and take this dark despair
to the shuttered door..

Utter words of resilient tears
into the wailing winds.

...

The depth of this sadness
beyond the clawing grasps,
no it is still not over..

How did I get here,
how do I get out.

Sri Lanka..
I will never get tired of you..

Sand, sun n waves..
I'll always be yearning to be back in your arms, mesmerized by your grace..

Yep, it's this simple sometimes.. :)

no easy way out

Just when she thinks things are getting smoother
Just when she thinks life was getting simpler
Just when she allow her dreams to soar a bit higher
Life snarls again with its claws sharped stronger...

Someone once told satisfaction is all we are after
Each one for himself, a selfish tolerator
She begs to see some higher divinity, peace of mind
Where love truly exists, selfishness devoid

Forgiveness for hurting, if hurting is what it was
Allow a bit more space, for this weak soul to grow
Forgiveness for believing, in a life based on hope
Within these shackles, she'll strive a bit more...

Dream girl..

I am still trying to get into writing on this blog again..
Read this poem again after awhile now.. it always made me smile :)
I love the ending of a memoried day regardless of the outcome.. we are but dreamers...

" The heart is still aching to seek, But the feet question 'Whither? - Robert Frost"

YOU will come one day in a waver of love,
Tender as dew, impetuous as rain,
The tan of the sun will be on your skin,
The purr of the breeze in your murmuring speech,
You will pose with a hill-flower grace.

You will come, with your slim, expressive arms,
A poise of the head no sculptor has caught
And nuances spoken with shoulder and neck,
Your face in a pass-and-repass of moods
As many as skies in delicate change
Of cloud and blue and flimmering sun.

Yet,
You may not come, O girl of a dream,
We may but pass as the world goes by
And take from a look of eyes into eyes,
A film of hope and a memoried day..

-Carl Sandberg

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