Indifferent

I've got to a point where I feel and live for the moment, but I am apathetic about everything of the past/future. I am happy when I am happy, and down and out in another hour or so. I share a wonderful moment with a person, yet then I know. Again. However much you care about a person, a lover, a friend. They will leave. Or they will let you down on your expectations. The expectations you didn't try to have, knowing they will be let down. But we all can't help ourselves, we all do build expectations, even a small one. Only human. So I live for the moment. For now I have the luxury to do so. One day I might not.
Oh well..
In the end we all die. Why do anything? Only thing noble I see than living the selfish life for yourself is to live it to make it all better and happy for someone else. but for what? In the end, again you might be fulfilling your own self satisfaction of helping someone else (the feel good factor). Those people die too. I don't believe in heaven and hell. Karma, maybe. But I have my doubts there too.

On the other side of things..
Who is a patriotic?
I cannot believe/hope the end of a war will solve everything for Sri Lanka. It will solve some problems. But what about everything else? You know what I mean. We all know what I mean. But we try to shut out all those questions, by hanging on to a hope of a wonderful tropical paradise island where unicorns poop rainbows. You can't ignore everything else and call yourself a patriotic, just by changing a fb profile pic, or pounding your chest and saying you have a duty to save your motherland, while your brothers fuck it up, or flying the national flag on your roof, or being there in spirit. YET doing nothing to make a change, or worse off ignoring it all.
I am afraid the end of the war will bring another repitition of history. I overheard a conversation between some very educated elderly people in the country. People who have gone through the past 60-70 years of unrest. People who have feared for their new born kids safety in the 83 riots. People who claim they are patriots, and want to see peace. YET, they still haven't learned. They still talk about tamils like every tamil out there who comes to buy/rent a house is a criminal. They talk about muslims like every muslim out there is a dirty old scumbank looking for money. Generalisation goes and works only a certain way. How do we co-exist without learning to accept that each of us are different and we might not be any different than those same generalisation/racist comments in case we were born to a tamil/muslim mother. None of us are superior than the other. How can we hope for a secular land when the people who have gone through all the shit, still thinks in their age-old ways.. And power blinds you and makes you forget your roots. And children of the future are spoonfed those same things, all over again.

In the end we are all trying to get through, until we die. We are all alone. We are all selfish. We are all hypocritical. And everthing is temporary.