Discovering Adam

I went. I climbed. I died and went to heaven. And climbed back down.
Was too tired to write about my sri padha adventure all these days, but now since me and my poor muscles are recovering (faster than expected) I have no reason to procrastinate.
How was it? Awesome & Worsome! :)

Started the climb all wrapped up in warm things, redbull cans and all smiles. I can do this. The couch potato without any exercise whatsoever for the last 5 months. CAN.DO.THIS. Starting time-2.10am

15 minutes later.
I was panting heavily. Imagine that. Before going I had this plan of documenting the track uphill by means of photographs. But few steps into the climb I forgot everything about anything. But all in all the first hour was good. We made good progress, even with my friend having gotten nauseous from the busride.
1.5 hours later..
Stopping every 25 steps or so. For a break of 3-4 minutes. My friend had slowed down. I actually didn't know it, until I turned back around and couldn't spot her anymore. I was advised to continue the climb without waiting for her, so climb I did. By this time my strategy was to climb to a point where I couldn't see the place/steps I took the previous break. It worked well.
2 hours later..
Are we there yet?????
how much further?
are those 3 lights the top?
Thank goodness one of the guys climbing alongside had done this climb before several times and knew all the right answers. the right answers=the right lies.
At this point the breaks were getting longer. Climbing at certain points included all four paws. Steps were getting steeper. Legs were starting to hurt. The little teahuts you come across every 20 minutes were crawled into with a welcome sigh.
3 hours later..
Tell me that is the peak pls! Why am I doing this to myself. why why why. (insert some swearing here and there)
The guys ( whom I got to know only that day) found it a little bit amusing I think.
Since it was night, we couldn't see the peak of the mountain but only the lights curving upward, and when you are climbing you can only see the lights upto a certain distance before it bends off. So you keep climbing thinking it's somewhere there, and poof. more lights appear. And you climb again. those lights were mocking me I tell you.
The plan was to reach the top before sunrise. It was 5am already and I was told we have about another 1.5 hour climb left. HOW!?!
We might miss the sunrise. noooh. climb the next 3 steps with newly gained motivation. stop. tiredness hits you and just feel like sleeping right there with the cold mountain air lulling you to sleep.

Around 1 hour later..
By this time I don't have the strength to speak. Even the guys are silent and all of us are focusing on getting to the top. somehow. before sunrise.
We can see the early rays of dawn. I loose track of time after this, and now it's a matter of surviving each 'oh-shit' corner and climbing the one step in front of you. each step is painful. Each ohshit corner dwindles any faith of reaching the stop. Ohshit corners was christened by a friend in the group, describing the reactions of the climbers when they make the turn on these corners. You see, by this time we are almost, right, at the top. you can hear the temple bells at the peak, you can see the beautiful scenery. And you see a flight of steps dissapppearing around a corner into a boulder and you think that's the top. You reach there with new found motivation. turn. 20 more steps await you. OH SHIT.
Believe me you, there are about 10,15 of such corners right at the top. It's painfullllllll.
The last few flight of steps you actually have to drag yourself up the very steep steps by holding on the both the railings and pushing with your arms as well. atleast I had to. gah.
Somehow. I did it. I made it before the sunrise. There was no cry of joy at the top coz there was no energy left for that. I found a comfortable solitary corner by myself (my friend hadn't reached yet) and waited. The pics will explain the sheer beauty of everything that followed I guess.

The sunrise left me speechless for good half an hour as I just sat there. It was peaceful. and everything seemed to come together, one of those perfect moments. I couldn't feel the tiredness anymore. The hopeless romantic that Iam, the old me would have been wondering how wonderful it would have been to share this moment with someone close. But surprisingly I wasn't even close to thinking that. For the first time in my life I was witnessing something so romantic and fantasy like, yet I was completely happy by myself high up there in the clouds.


















The climb down was really painful. I mastered a new penguin walk, but it was all worth it in the end. I would definitely go again. And now I know, one day I just might be able to achieve my dream of climbing Mt.Kilimanjaro. All smiles =) =) =)

somewhere over a mountain.. finally!

Listening to something bittersweet..

I wish I lived next to the sea. I wish! Most of the time friends are too busy, and I live too far away from any decent beach to travel there by myself and come back at a decent hour (as declared by the mater) alone. The coming sunday had a plan, but I am not sure whether that's gonna work out now.
Onto better things, I am climbing sri pada/adam's peak tomorrow night!!! With one good friend and her office mates - a bunch of people I have never met! Can't be that bad yea?, even though a friend who came over to my place today raised one eyebrow at the mention of the workplace of the afore mentioned bunch of people and related a few interesting stories about the reputation of this certain office.
pffshh, We are going in a hired bus helllloo, what can happen in a bus?
And he started to inform me kindly what could happen, before I asked him to shutup like a goodboy. So yea, little did I know this place is thaaaat notorius!
NOO.
Saturday morning, I will be a happychild watching a pretty sunrise while sipping a hot hot sugary tea with the cold mountain air freezing my poor ass. =)
And the artsy-fartsy in me hasn't had a proper outing in awhile now, so the cam will be put to good use.. hopefully.

For Record - Alcohol-free for two weeks (despite having a stash close-by) and having a lot of caffeine for a change. Should I say yay?

p.s. -
While on the phone with another (very religious) friend who climbed the afore-mentioned mountain..
she- don't take food with meat okay?
me-ohhh, okaay. I didn't know.
pause
me- how about alcohol?
I almost almost said that, before mentally kicking myself! Maybe I should have, just to amuse myself.

Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing & Charm School

I didn't see it coming, but I should have..
I don't know, maybe I didn't want it.Maybe I was jusst too scared.. just too weak..
-Don't blame yourself.. Anger is one thing, but guilt is..a worthless emotion.
It's not the guilt. It's the emptiness..
-Emptiness?
I feel like I'm drifting. In an endless monotonous ocean. All my thoughts just blended together like water.. no form, definition, no beginning no end.. Loss. Loneliness.
You see the whole world just.. slipping away.. and you can't do anything about it.
-Or you don't. You know what you should do.
-Your mind screws with you, and you wind up doing the wrong thing. Or nothing at all.
-It's always a total mess.
Maybe next time.
-Next time? Is there ever a next time?
I hope so.

------

this blog is starting to sound very depressive, which shouldn't be so, since I am not thaaat. Yet, at the risk of sounding more n more like an emo I still wanted to quote this film.

Note to self.

If you ever decide to have kids,
for goodness sake when/if you want their help, don't criticize about everything else before demanding for help. Ask kindly.

-Keep talking with them. From toddler to horomonic-teen to adult. It's important you communicate. But be Kind.
-Even when angry, be stern yet kind.
-Don't ever be cruel.
-Don't ever ignore them on purpose.
-What you sow is what you reap.

Indifferent

I've got to a point where I feel and live for the moment, but I am apathetic about everything of the past/future. I am happy when I am happy, and down and out in another hour or so. I share a wonderful moment with a person, yet then I know. Again. However much you care about a person, a lover, a friend. They will leave. Or they will let you down on your expectations. The expectations you didn't try to have, knowing they will be let down. But we all can't help ourselves, we all do build expectations, even a small one. Only human. So I live for the moment. For now I have the luxury to do so. One day I might not.
Oh well..
In the end we all die. Why do anything? Only thing noble I see than living the selfish life for yourself is to live it to make it all better and happy for someone else. but for what? In the end, again you might be fulfilling your own self satisfaction of helping someone else (the feel good factor). Those people die too. I don't believe in heaven and hell. Karma, maybe. But I have my doubts there too.

On the other side of things..
Who is a patriotic?
I cannot believe/hope the end of a war will solve everything for Sri Lanka. It will solve some problems. But what about everything else? You know what I mean. We all know what I mean. But we try to shut out all those questions, by hanging on to a hope of a wonderful tropical paradise island where unicorns poop rainbows. You can't ignore everything else and call yourself a patriotic, just by changing a fb profile pic, or pounding your chest and saying you have a duty to save your motherland, while your brothers fuck it up, or flying the national flag on your roof, or being there in spirit. YET doing nothing to make a change, or worse off ignoring it all.
I am afraid the end of the war will bring another repitition of history. I overheard a conversation between some very educated elderly people in the country. People who have gone through the past 60-70 years of unrest. People who have feared for their new born kids safety in the 83 riots. People who claim they are patriots, and want to see peace. YET, they still haven't learned. They still talk about tamils like every tamil out there who comes to buy/rent a house is a criminal. They talk about muslims like every muslim out there is a dirty old scumbank looking for money. Generalisation goes and works only a certain way. How do we co-exist without learning to accept that each of us are different and we might not be any different than those same generalisation/racist comments in case we were born to a tamil/muslim mother. None of us are superior than the other. How can we hope for a secular land when the people who have gone through all the shit, still thinks in their age-old ways.. And power blinds you and makes you forget your roots. And children of the future are spoonfed those same things, all over again.

In the end we are all trying to get through, until we die. We are all alone. We are all selfish. We are all hypocritical. And everthing is temporary.

All Hail..

the bullshit Sri Lankan patriotism spoon fed to the modayas of our times.. You, Orion, and I, can all march on to a time of state terrorism now. (30s exposure up at my neighbourhood sky while pondering about our times)

Truly India..

I thought I didn't find a favourite movie for 2008, and then I watched this. Hadn't heard much about the movie beforehand other than a few friends talking about it, and as I sat down to watch it my only knowledge about it was that it was about this boy in India.
And I was sucked in. To a different world.. of a slumdog.
It captures an array of emotions through a traumatized childhood, exposes the viewer to the harshest realities of modern day India, and yet has a fantasy like ending. What I wonder is whether most of us living on greener pastures, will ever seriously contemplate that this kind of poverty is possible.
As the title suggests Slumdog Millionaire is a story of rags to riches, set in the slums and corruption of India. I will leave you to watch the movie and form your own opinion, but simply put, I found it to be brilliant. The movie managed to leave an overwhelmingly indelible effect on me. Especially the first few chapters of Jamal ‘the chaiwallah’s’ childhood. I teared as I remembered a boy I met in India sometime back while walking on the midst of a paddyfield. Yes, you read that correct :) I got the chance to travel all over northern India, and it was far from what I expected. The multitude of incidents one can achieve by traveling about India I believe is another story. But this boy..., I can still remember his face, better than all the faces of street children I photographed.

This particular place lied in the middle of a beautiful paddyfield around an area usually frequented by thousands of Sri Lankans each year, thus a lot of the beggar children knew Sinhala. We had to walk single file along the paddyfield for about half a kilometer and the kids appear from all over the forest skirts and come running along to ‘greet’ the foreigners. If you have been to India, you would know how street children behave, though these were more of a village version of street-children. It’s like they have their own school on how to beg&win and how to clam at foreigners. To be honest, it gets tiring and terrifying, coz they are not satisfied how much ever you try to give and they get gang up on you if they know you are vulnerable. Previous personal experience on this trip left me terrified of them as I got almost attacked by such a ‘mob’. So when our tour guide for the day told us to be careful on this particular journey through the paddyfield, I took note. We were further told that a lot of kids in the area spoke Sinhala very fluently upto the expertise that they could actually explain the place in Sinhala. I thought ‘yah right’. Little did I know.

So there we were walking along, the usual group of kids coming from behind and front with the same chant and facial expression. It’s depicted in exact in the movie. I fell behind a bit as I was stopping every once in awhile to take in the beautiful scenery unfolding. It was the greenest a paddyfield could be, and the dark mountains in the distance and the forest alongside, and the blueness of the sky was enough to just make you want to sit and stare around in awe. By this time of the trip, I had learned how to ignore the kids, and a lot of them realized I was more interested in clicking my camera, and moved towards the foreigners in front. As harsh as the ignoring part sounds, it’s a surviving skill. That’s how bad it can get.

When I realized I had fallen back I decided to quicken up a bit and I noticed this young boy looking around 17 years of age, weaving his way through the banks of the paddyfield. He ended up walking in front of me, and shooed away the young kids in front and behind me, telling them not to bother me. He said, ‘hello sister’. I lifted my ignorant focus from the ground in front, to his face and eyed him suspiciously. Also checked up on where the tour guide is upfront. Just in case. Walking singlefile along a narrow bank in the middle of paddyfied leaves you nowhere to run if the person infront of you tries anything. Dark in complexion, he was wearing an old yet clean baggy shirt that was buttoned loosely, and blue school shorts (just like in SL). The tour guide noticed him, and shouted something back to the boy in Hindi. And he replied right back and I don’t think the tourguide saw any harm. I didn’t either, though I was guarded. My reaction to his first hello was a mere glare so he tried again. “My name is Raj sister, don’t worry I wont harm you” He spoke my mind and I couldn’t help but slightly smile at his quite innocent and straight forward statement. I still didn’t speak. I had learned that it was trouble if you start speaking to the kids even out of curiousity, coz then they just wont leave you alone. He kept on trying. “sister, why are you ignoring me, I just want to talk. Mata salli epa, mama kemathi ne ekata”. I was surprised by the ease he said those words. He spoke perfect sinhala. He realized the sinhala worked, and he grinned at me.
Raj - oya ai surprise wela, mata hondata sinhala puluwan. (why are you surpised, I can speak sinhala well )
Me- Silent awe.
Raj – baya wenna epa sister, mata oney oyath ekka katha karanna. Igena ganna. (don’t worry sister, I only want to talk with you. to learn)
I finally broke my silence at this and asked him “Why? you like sinhala?”
Raj- ai mata igena ganna oney? Mama kemathi wena languages igena ganna ( Why do I want to learn, I like learning other languages)

Thus, I started talking with him. Mostly in sinhala. All the way upto the place we were sightseeing and back. I learned that he learned sinhala from talking to the Sri Lankans who come there. And from some of the local guides who knows Sinhala there. He said it’s an easy language to learn. I learned that he was just about to finish school, and wants to study further, but he couldn’t afford it. When asked what he was going to do, he said he’s going to teach the village kids until he can save up some money. I asked him why they don’t bother to go to school, why they beg, when they have schools with teachers. He told me he tries, he tries to make them come to school, coz they are even given free food if they attend school. But it’s so much in the system that they prefer begging to school, they eat the food and go back to the street. Raj was wise for his age and society he grew up in. He knew the value of learning despite his surroundings.

He gave me a private tour guide almost, told me the historical significance of the area and a bit about his family. His father was a carpenter. They were struggling to make ends meet but he told he also contributed from working on weekends while schooling. Sold souvenirs to foreigners on the street. Taught kids. Ran errands. Then he asked me what and where I study. I was at a loss of words for a moment. He realized my sudden pause, gave me a wide eyed smile, and said, it’s okay sister I know we are different, don’t feel uncomfortable. ‘Different’ .. exact words he used. He was such a sweet honest kid. I almost found it unbelievable. I told him what I study and what I plan to do. It was such a refreshing moment, I wanted time to stand still. He wanted to study further, but he still wanted to become a teacher in the end. He was telling me how we always have to keep learning from everything :) It was almost like an advise. We also talked about the weather, the recent floods there. I told him it was too sunny today, he told me yes you might get dark sister, good that you are wearing the cap. It was an almost teasing yet again all in goodwill comment I was left to wonder yet again how to react.

As we reached towards the village huts again, he paused, backed away a bit and said “this is where we say goodbye sister thank you for talking with me”. Told me it was really nice meeting me and maybe we will meet again. I was stuck at what to say again. I smiled with him and told him that it was nice to meet him too, and to keep on studying no matter what. He smiled his white-toothed smile at me, along with his boyish attitude of hands casually stuck in his short-pockets and slightly bowed his head in goodbye. I walked the rest of the distance smiling at what just occurred. This sweet polite kid just made my day, gave me faith that honest extraordinary people still exist even in the most unsuspecting corners of the world.
Raj, thank you. I hope you always keep smiling that sincere smile even with the struggles of life to come your way. I only wish I took your address down.

This was the paddyfield >:)